Category Archives: Random

St. Patty’s Day is For JETS Fans!

I don’t like St. Patrick’s Day despite liking most holidays. Living in New York, holiday’s are pretty great. You’ve got Halloween parades, Thanksgiving Day parades and Christmas in New York is, well, Christmas in New York. However, St. Patrick’s Day sucks! This year I was looking for something positive to say about it and was pretty disappointed once again. Lots of early drinking, puking and looking people looking for fights. The bars are packed and it’s impossible to get a drink. Part of my dismay is that again, I’m in New York so I can go out to the bars anytime and have a blast. I don’t have to partake in amateur hour and think I missed something. Then it happened… I was walking along 33rd street today, weaving through the smokers outside of the pubs. That’s another thing EVERYONE smokes on this day. Believe me, I have nothing against smoking, but when EVERYONE is smoking it’s pretty awful. ANYWAY, I’m walking along the street and I realize that lots of men are wearing their green New York Jets jerseys. Hey, why not? It’s green and if any team needs a reason to celebrate, it’s the Jets. Good for those lovable losers. So there’s that. J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets!

(P.S. Next year I’m not even leaving my apartment for St. Patrick’s Day.)


Fun with Writing (and Beer)

1 Beer: Open the laptop

2 Beers: Jot down notes and prioritizes what needs to be done; remember why you love beer

3 Beers: Write, the beer helps the humor level

4 Beers: Personal antidotes come easy

5 Beers: Humor turns crass, lots of “fucks” and phrases such as “blowing truckers”

6 Beers: The writing is phenomenal – at least to you

7 Beers: You think you are Bukowski (Note: You are not, not even close)

8 Beers: Each sentence requires significant editing

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12 Beers: You tell me, how is this?


Running out of Gas

There are a lot of things worse than running out of gas, but nobody wants to see that “low fuel” indicator coming on. That’s unnecessary anxiety forcing you to immediately plan your next 30 minutes. Personally, I use a car share program so I never know what “low gas” means. Some models will let you run well past the “red” while others will go dry right at the “E” line. Obviously it’s always a good idea to not let this happen, but recently this happened to me. There was a moment when I considered what would happen should I be stranded on the side of the highway. Would I have to blow someone for a ride? I really don’t know the protocol for this predicament. Lucky for me I made it to a gas station and going forward I’m not letting the needle go less than half empty. I would rather not have to blow a trucker for a ride to the nearest Mobil station…


To Beard or Not To Beard: An Update

I still have my beard and at the very least it’s been an interesting experience. It didn’t take long to realize that “beards” take care of other beards. I’m reminded of the Eddie Murphy SNL skit when he dressed as a white man and people just gave him stuff, “It’s okay, just take it.” This is how I feel when I come across a fellow beard, special treatment or at the very least a nod to say “we are in this together, man!” It’s getting to the point where if I hear non beards comment on my beard I am skeptical. In summary, I still have a beard, am presently “pro beard”, but like everything else in life is still day to day…


10 Reasons to Hate Alex Rodriguez Revisited

Here’s something I posted a couple of years ago. Still holds up!

Ten Reasons to Despise Alex Rodriguez

arod inside

With performance enhancing drugs and Alex Rodriguez in the mix let’s take a look back at his marvelous career and greatest moments.  On second thought, let’s review ten reasons it is okay to despise Alex Rodriguez.

10. The steroid accusations, again.

Alex Rodriguez will probably break Barry Bonds* home run record, and it will matter even less than when Bonds broke Hank Aaron’s record.  After countless monster regular seasons the steroid questions continues to come up.  He didn’t come out smiling the first time (admitted to use from 2001 to 2003) and I would expect more of the same once the facts are revealed that Rodriguez has been (and continues) cheating all along.

9. He can have any girl he wants, settles for Canadian strippers. 

While still married Alex was seen canoodling with strippers, from Toronto (yes, that makes it worse).

8. Overpaid, twice.

First, Rodriguez left Seattle for the division rival Texas Rangers and 2001 a 10-year 252 million dollar contract.  How do you top that?  You renegotiate and in 2007 sign a 10-year 270 million dollar contract.

7. Two words: Not Clutch.

After crushing the ball regular season after regular season Alex Rodriquez has consistently put up horrible post season numbers.  Not only unable to deliver at crunch time, but post season pressure in general has been awful.  Does Rodriquez also experience erectile dysfunction during the month of October?

6. Bullshit Plays

Alex has slapped the ball out of defenders hands and has yelled “I GOT IT” while running the bases.  Even in Little League this is considered a D-Bag move.  I’m sure Rodriguez being considered the D-Bag of the league started in Pee Wee League.

5. Alex Plays for the Yankees

Hey, it hasn’t been so easy to hate the Yankees since Derek Jeter came on board.  Rodriguez is a true villain to hate.  He should be forced to wear a cape, an evil cape.

4. Seattle Got Screwed, again.

Isn’t the daily forecast of rain enough!  When Alex Rodriguez returned (after signing with Texas) he was greeted with a full stadium of boos and monopoly money falling from the upper decks.  I bet he didn’t blink an eye.

3. His nickname is A-Rod.

Repeat: His nickname is A-Rod.

2. Roots for Duke Basketball.

Probably does (NOTE: No proof and probably doesn’t).

1. Linked to Madonna.

So was Vanilla Ice (there’s pictures), enough said.


Did My Barber Molest Me (or did my elbow molest my barber)?

It happened about 15 years ago. We were discussing baseball, because in barber shops you often talk baseball. I had been going to this father/son barber shop team for a couple years, nothing fancy, just a quick chat about baseball, snip/snip and I was on my way. Then one day, I believe it was a Thursday in April, it happened. After cutting around my left ear he reached over to “even out” the other side. Typically, a barber moves around the chair (or spins the chair) when moving from side to side; however this time was different. Instead, he leaned over, pressing his crotch against my elbow. He held it there for either 10 minutes or 3 seconds, time really stands still during these moments. This isn’t exactly a ripped-from-the-headlines Law and Order SVU moment, still, I felt like now was the right time to say something…


To Be a Stoner Or Not Be A Stoner? (that is the question, man….)

My neighbor smokes pot all day long. I know it from the smell as well as the contact high I get when I walk by his door.When I see him, he’s often in sweats and always very mellow. From what I can tell he does nothing all day (and presumably all night) long except get stoned. On my floor there a vending machine and needless to say, since my neighbor has moved in, it’s always 80 percent empty. Yes, the chips are always the first to go. My quandary isn’t that my neighbor smokes pot all day, honestly, I could care less. My inner fight is whether I feel sorry for him (this is apparently “it” for him) or am jealous. I think a perfect scenario would be if I could dedicate one day a week to that lifestyle, maybe Tuesday. Definitely Tuesday, that way I could get stoned and go eat tacos…