Category Archives: Crispy TV

10 Reasons We Need Axl Rose Now More than Ever

Axl Rose has never really left, but his presence has diminished since the nineties. Even during the build up of 40 years (it felt like that long) for ‘Chinese Democracy’ Rose kept himself in the news by firing ex-members, getting into fights (mostly legal) and of course, pushing out release dates. Recently though he has fallen further into the shadows. However now his new version of Guns N’ Roses has a 3D movie out titled ‘Appetite For Democracy.’ Check it out and remember the reasons we liked having Axl Rose in our lives. Here are ten other reasons we need Axl Rose.

The above is an incredible video of a slightly crazed Nicholas Cage–ok, totally crazed–presenting the Golden God Lifetime Achievement award. Cage call Axl a true hero, an inspirational force. This is some good entertainment. I mean the dude could sing and created some legendary music — but a true hero? Ok, yes, he’s a true hero.

10. We Adore Train Wrecks

At the Guns N’ Roses height of fame (mid nineties) Axl was to say the least, unstable. Mental instability included rumors of a traveling psychiatrist that had to coax Rose onto the stage each night. Another fun (maybe not fun) fact is that Rose had alleged panic attacks while writing the lyrics to “Coma.”

9. Riots

How many people go to a One Republic concert asking the question “Do you think there will be a riot tonight?”

8. More Rock Music Please

When Guns N’ Roses ruled the world their music was equal to a shot heroin to the groin (in a good way). Now, there’s Nickelback, making you want to punch yourself in the groin (not good).

7. Chinese Democracy Sequel

As long as Rose is alive rumors of more music will swirl.

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Axl pulled some serious models, like Stephanie Seymour, back in the day. I’m sure he still does.

Check out the full post at CrispyTV.com


10 Potential Problems for Motley Crue on their Final Tour

That’s right, Motley Crue (Nikki Sixx, Vince Neil, Tommy Lee, and Mick Mars) are embarking on their final tour and if you are familiar with this band then you know a reunion is not likely. Between the fighting, the contract status (Vince Neil is basically an employee of Motley Crue) and founder Nikki Sixx’s wish to go out on top, this may very well be the end. So, after all the overdoses, threesomes and fighting what could possibly derail the final tour? Here are ten possibilities.

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10. Tommy Lee’s Falls Out of Revolving Drum Set

Tommy Lee has been known to play on a drum set that revolves 360% and sometimes travels over the audience. It’s a heck of a scene and truly Tommy Lee is not known for understatement.  Tommy Lee could easily fall out of this drum set and injure himself, taking several members of the audience with him.  In addition to the potential lawsuits, Crue would be without a drummer.

Check out the full post at CrispyTV.com


Top 10 Louie CK “Bang Bang” Dinner Combos

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In the Louie episode “So Did the Fat Lady” we were introduced to the “bang bang”, where you go have a whole meal at one place then go right to another place and have another one. What combo did they choose and what are some other tempting possibilities? The first rule of a “bang bang” is to not make plans the next day, the second rule of a “bang bang” is to not make plans the next day.

10. Mexican/Italian
Gluttony at it’s finest. I suggest starting with steak enchiladas plus rice/beans and then following up with chicken parmesan on a bed of pasta. WARNING: Be very careful if you plan to consume several margaritas with several bottles of red wine – the human stomach is just not equipped for such a thing.

9. Pizza / Pizza

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In New York there is still a lot to discuss. Do you go cheap slices or gourmet pies? Uptown or downtown? Toppings or plain? Regardless of the decision, there are plenty of options.8. Indian / Diner

This was the now infamous decision Louie (and Robert Kelly) went with. They did it right, lots of bread curry and then a full diner menu to choose from. Just don’t brag about it the waitress. That’s the third rule.

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7. Burger / Burger

You start with a Burger Heaven (In N’ Out for West Coast) cheeseburger and fries and then end up at a gourmet burger place named BURGR’ or something like that where you will order the exact same thing

 

 

 

 

 

 

Read the full list and more at Crispy TV here!


10 Ways To Pick Up Women Like Hank Moody

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As Californication enters the home stretch of its final season we are once again privy to Hank Moody’s indelible charms and how this translates to the ladies. Hank now has a son (Levon) to pass on his knowledge to. So how does he do it? Here are ten ways…

 

10. Always Available

Baby Mommas aside, Moody is always available. Bar bathroom? Apartment of significant other? Back seat of Porsche? He’s there and he’s ready: Check, Check and Check.

 

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9. ABC Always Be Closing

It works in real estate and it works the world of casual sex. Hank Moody’s job is booze and sex and business be crackin’!

 

8. One word: Alcohol. It lowers inhibitions and Hank has no inhibitions anyways…

Read the full list and more at Crispy TV here!


Top Ten Louis CK Poker Table Discussions You Won’t Ever See

 

By David Grant, Crispy TV Contributor

Louie CK, widely viewed as the best standup comic on the planet, has returned for a fourth season to critical acclaim and many more laughs. In addition to his dark comedy situations, the poker game has also returned. In the first episode Louie, along with fellow comedians (Jim Norton, Sarah Silverman, Nick DiPaolo and more) address the topic of men masturbating with a vibrator. Norton was the expert on the subject and others used this to question his sexuality. Louie was quite intrigued (leading to vibrator shopping the next day). This is the type of topic that passes for normal amongst this group. So, what would be considered taboo for this circle of friends?

Top Ten Discussions/Situations Never To Be Had At the Louie CK Poker Table

10. Explain what cute thing (insert child’s name here) did today.  They don’t want to hear anything about children (even though Louis is a loving father).  Louis might even call your daughter an a-hole.  He did that to his own daughter–for our benefit in his standup special of course.  And only when she was 6 month old.  He was kidding folks!  Kind of!

Louis-CK-poker-sarah-silverman9. Discuss the benefits of a low carbohydrate diet.  These guys are slobs.

8. Specifically ask Jim Norton deviant sex questions (Mr. Norton is too open on this topic already, someone may actually get sick and puke into the pot and that is not good for the game).

7. Someone breaks out a joint and the Louie CK poker game turns into That 70’s Show roundtable (with much older participants).  Note: Sarah Silverman would have to play Ashton Kutcher.

Read the full post at CrispyTV.com

 


Ten Reasons It Sucks To Be Hank Moody’s Son

by Crispy TV Contributor, David Grant

The seventh and final season of Californication is underway and it didn’t take long for our first shocking discovery: Hank Moody has a son. Not only does he have a son, but he’s grown up and wants to understand how many women there have been before and after his mom. Some numbers are better left unsaid kid.

hank-moody-son-showing-him-the-ropesHank’s son is quite a bit like him, although there are serious differences.  Case in point, he wants to get laid.  Really really bad.  But he doesn’t have Hank’s natural charm with the ladies.  This is a clear area where there the two can bond.

Anyway, I was hoping this season would present a new child of Hank Moody each episode, but it looks like it’s just the one (plus his daughter of course). What would it be like to be Hank Moody’s son? There would be perks, like getting a job on a TV show and handing around beautiful LA women, but it would also sort of suck.

Ten Reasons It Sucks to Be Hank Moody’s Son

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Does this guy look like “father” material?

10. Back to school shopping never changes – black tees, jeans and a new leather cuff bracelet

9. Never any alcohol left in the house to steal, just empty bottles

Read the full column at CripyTV.com