Category Archives: Blogging

Guys I Hate: St. Patty’s Day Drunk Guy

Welcome to Guys I Hate, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Got a guy you hate? Drop me a comment – we probably hate a lot of the same guys.

s

I love holidays, I really do. Halloween through New Year’s Eve – huge time for me and my family. I can even handle Valentine’s Day. I loathe St. Patrick’s Day and there is nothing worse than drunk guy or we might as well just say drunk bro. Who exactly is this guy? He’s the one who takes off work so he can start drinking at 7:00am because “you can’t be drunk by noon if you don’t start early!” If you happen to get pulled into going out after work and end up at an Irish Pub it’s always six people deep at the bar trying to get a beer. This guy is always standing next to me and is always ready to throw a punch. Why? The guy is so blasted he won’t even remember the scene. He has puke on his shirt and is wearing a green shirt that probably says IRISH even though he’s clearly of Italian descent. Fuck this guy and if you see him out this Friday feel free to throw a proactive punch on my behalf…

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Guys I Love: Coffee Cart Guy

Welcome to Guys I Love, it’s pretty self-explanatory, it’s the opposite of Guys I hate. Got a guy you love? Drop me a comment – we probably love a lot of the same guys.

coffee

As much as piss and bad attitudes, NYC coffee cart guys are a staple of the city. They are parked before you hit the street, waiting with piping hot coffee and pastries. If you sleep in, no worries, the coffee is still hot, of course the pastries are not quite as fresh, but that just gives them that special cart taste. Coffee cart guy doesn’t charge much, he’s running his business based on volume and when he gets a tip, even the most minimal he is grateful. Not only does coffee cart guy always have a smile he has it despite some of the less than grateful customers he deals with on a daily basis. I’m guessing coffee cart guy keeps a loaded gun inside. Good for you coffee cart guy! Keep those bagels safe!


Guys I Love: Drunk Elevator Guy

Welcome to Guys I Love, it’s pretty self-explanatory, it’s the opposite of Guys I hate. Got a guy you love? Drop me a comment – we probably love a lot of the same guys.

elevator

I keep late hours which means I’m also running errands (laundry, groceries, etc…) late at night. In the elevators I often come across drunk guy. He’s always talking nonsense, something how the pizza man never came or asking questions like “how many 9 year-old toddlers can you beat up?” Always breaking off mid-sentence, just senseless crazy talk – and I love it. Sometimes I have my dog and they always comment and I say “yeah, she’s a good dog” and they will retort with “no, that’s the BEST fucking dog!” Drunk elevator guy always wishes you a good night, never forgets. I love drunk elevator guy.


Guys I Love: NYC Crazy Guy That Reminds Me of Eddie Murphy

Welcome to Guys I Love, it’s pretty self-explanatory, it’s the opposite of Guys I hate. Got a guy you love? Drop me a comment – we probably love a lot of the same guys.

eddie

New York City is full of crazy guys, bat shit crazy guys! There is one guy though that I really love. In my 14 years living in the city I’ve seen him only six times or so, but he cracks me up each time. Never in the same neighborhood, this (presumably homeless) guy pulls a wagon that has a speaker hooked up to a microphone. Now, this is not one of those guys that spouts hatred or heckles everyone, no, this guy tells crazy ass jokes. I’m pretty certain their not even funny, but he laughs hard every time. “AND THEN SHE SAID SHUT THE DOOR! YOU KNOW WHAT I DID? SHUT THE DOOR!” Laughter, laughter, laughter. He’s usually dressed in a hoodie and black 80’s style sunglasses. He reminds me of Eddie Murphy in Trading Places. Dude is fucking hilarious! I actually sometimes find myself looking down side streets, hoping… Each time I hear a wagon I turn quickly, too often disappointed. What I like best is that he is always happy, he may be insane, but he’s enjoying himself. This guy cracks me up and I fucking love this guy.


Guys I Love: Confident Airline Pilot Guy

Welcome to Guys I Love, it’s pretty self-explanatory, it’s the opposite of Guys I hate. Got a guy you love? Drop me a comment – we probably love a lot of the same guys.

pilot

Most airline pilots stick with the basics – the weather, time duration and the gravel voice. Regardless of what is happening they are under control and want you to know “they got it.” It takes a special mindset to fly a commercial jet and having confidence is a good skill to have. This past week I flew for the holidays and was reminded of this when our pilot commented on the gate. He was going through the typical weather, time, etc… when he says “….and we’ll be pulling into gate C18”, he paused and then added, “it’s a good gate.” I love that! Hell yeah I want to know our pilot likes the gate he got. What if it was C17? Would he had apologized for it being a hell hole? I will probably never know, buy I did love the confident pilot and how he felt about our gate. “Oh, and by the way folks we are coming in to gate C18 – it’s a fucking great gate, you’re really going to enjoy it!”


Guys I Hate: Grocery Guy Who Doesn’t Understand Tacos

Welcome to Guys I Hate, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Got a guy you hate? Drop me a comment – we probably hate a lot of the same guys.

tacos_istock

I was in a grocery store today and wanted to buy ingredients for tacos. I got my lettuce, tomatoes, salsa, guacamole, cheese and meat. Last item was the “taco kit”, you know shells and seasoning. All the store had was shells, no “kits” which is not a problem assuming they had seasoning, but I didn’t see it…so reluctantly, I asked a grocer where I could find the seasoning. He pointed to the shells and said that’s all you need, just put meat in there. I looked at him and explained that the meat needs seasoning and he shook his head again, no seasoning, just meat. God I really hated that guy. I don’t know if he was serious, lazy or just didn’t give a fuck…one thing is for sure, this guy knew nothing about tacos. I hate anyone that doesn’t understand how tacos work…


Guys I Hate: Laundry Bag-Jacker Guy

Welcome to Guys I Hate, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Got a guy you hate? Drop me a comment – we probably hate a lot of the same guys.

laundry

I know, don’t wait until Sunday to do laundry, but you know what, sometimes it just happens. This past week I was forced to deal with a laundry room full of people stalking open washing and drying machines. What typical took 2 hours took several hours, again, I know better. Finally I had my last load in the dryer; that’s when I noticed… Someone had jacked my laundry bag. Who does this? Let’s see, how to describe my laundry bag… Well, it’s pretty easy, its mesh and costs 50 cents, but that’s not the point… The point is I now had to use a garbage bag like a homeless person while someone else lived in laundry royalty with my 50 cent bag. Fuck you laundry bag-jacker guy! I’m on the lookout. Hate that guy…