Guys I Hate: Big Umbrella Guy

Welcome to Guys I Hate, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Got a guy you hate? Drop me a comment – we probably hate a lot of the same guys.


In a city when it rains, the umbrellas come out. In NYC most carry the small black umbrella, easy to store, easy to open in case of rain. A select few assholes carry their golf umbrellas, stretching approximately 4 feet wide. Sidewalks are often 5 feet wide. Now, I actually have no problem if the umbrella is handled correctly, lifted up when approaching others; however, there are a few, the entitled, that believe they can use this umbrella as a eye poking bulldozer at any sign of a drop of rain. This guy disrupts everyone with no regard to anyone but himself. Apparently he melts in the rain. What is the proper reaction? It’s actually pretty easy: First, stop the guy and explain what he is doing. He will not listen, he’s entitled. Next, rip the umbrella from his hands. He will not be happy, but fuck him. Finally, close the umbrella and stick it up his ass. That is the proper response to big umbrella guy.


About Pulp Scribbler

The Writing of David S. Grant View all posts by Pulp Scribbler

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