Wednesday Mailbag!


Why do I spend so much time deciding between buying a 6 pack vs. 12 pack?

Good beer question, this is about beer and not male Belgium escorts, right? Your decision should come down to what your goals are. If you are looking to savor or “mix it up” then a 6 pack of a choice IPA is a good pick, but if you are out with the boys and plan to drink EVERYTHING in the next two hours then forget the 12 pack and go 30 pack of Stroh’s. That will get the job done. By the way, does Stroh’s come in anything less than a 30 pack? Obviously it’s clear I see no use for 12 packs. I go either 6 or 30, there is no in-between.

Did we underestimate LeBron again? 

I’m sure some people didn’t flinch, but I know I did. I was just starting to buy into the “too old”, “wrong chemistry”, and “can’t win without Riley’s perfect hair” #hottakes. James has gone back to angry-evil-dominating LeBron. More importantly, are we overestimating Golden State? I think so. NBA titles are not won by newbie’s; they are going to have to take their lumps. The Warriors may be the better regular season team, but I don’t see them beating San Antonio or Oklahoma City.

Is listening to a Taylor Swift song in your final minutes the worst way to die?

No way, Taylor Swift music may be annoying, but there are much worse things. No one wants their last moments to be arguing with loved ones or something mundane. After giving this much thought I’ve come up with two worst ways to die. 1. Waiting for a bus and then getting hit by that bus. 2. Syncing iTunes. Best way to die? Well, that would be making it to 90 years of age, and getting into an old-school shoot-out with your lifelong nemesis…did I mention you just shot heroin for the first time and Guns N’ Roses “Mr. Brownstone” is playing in the background? (Because it definitely is.)

Is it okay to pretend you are a celebrity chef when cooking for your family?

Of course it is, in fact I encourage it. The chef fantasy is really interesting because I worked in a lot of restaurants and it’s nothing like the reality shows. If you were really acting like a chef you would be chain smoking, drinking on the job and cursing like a sailor. That doesn’t go well when cooking a stir fry for your 3 year-old. Personally, I’m not much of a cook, but I do make breakfast. Every morning I pretend I’m a Denny’s short-order cook grilling up Grand Slams for the blue collar public. I make breakfast and provide a service!

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The Writing of David S. Grant View all posts by Pulp Scribbler

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