Guys I Hate: Guy Who Refuses To Google

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We all know this guy, and I’m talking about a guy under 50 years of age, this guy refuses to Google anything; instead relying on everyone else. We are lucky that we live during a time when anyone can just “Google It” and get the answer to many inquiries. I don’t even care if someone refuses, but don’t give me excuses: It just took you 2 minutes to explain why you refuse to Google movies Uma Thurman has starred in – it would have taken 30 seconds to have 30 million responses. Stop wasting my time with your laziness or fear of technology or I will Google why you suck so much…


Guys I Hate: Corn Maze Character Guy

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VERA CHINESE PHOTOActor Adam Donohue as Little John.

It’s that time of the year again – pumpkins, hay rides and corn mazes. I don’t know about you, but I don’t need any added “adventure” to my corn maze experience. Chances are I’m going to get lost and frustrated anyway. Having someone dressed as a pirate or Robin Hood isn’t going to make me feel better; actually it’s going to make me angry, very angry. So please, corn maze character guy, save it for your Tuesday evening theatre class at the adult annex you attend. You are not amazing me with your skills in the corn field.


Video Review: American Bride By TALIA

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TALIA is a lively trio from Paris that have released three albums: Cockroach Killer (2008), Permanent Midlife Crises (2013) and their most recent, Thugs They Look Like Angels (2016) which features a video for the song “American Bride.”

The video begins with a bride on the floor, down for the count. Oh wait, she’s getting up, oh I see, this is one of those “we are showing you the final scene now let’s see what happens in reverse” type videos.

The bride is getting beat up, bad. Interesting story line and the bad acting is working for me. Meanwhile the band is playing on stage with a very liberal use of old-school special effects.

Back to the scene: The guy that was doing the beating is drinking (before he beats her, remember, reverse). Not saying that’s an excuse. Okay the guy just dragged the bride in and strapped her to a chair with barbed wire. Oh, he poisoned her (tip/note to self: easier to drag someone and strap them in barbed wire if poisoned). Now we see the opening seen where the bride-to-be cheats on the groom, hence the poisoning, barbed wire and beat down – totally understandable.

P.S. The beat down is not understandable only the poisoning and barbed wire.

P.P.S. Okay, the poisoning and barbed wire is also not acceptable.

P.P.P.S. You know what, just don’t get engaged.

Read the full review of Thugs They Look Like Angels at MancavePlaybabes.com here.

Check out the video for “American Bride” here.

 

 


Use Your Illusion Revisited

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25 years ago today Guns N’ Roses released Use Your Illusion I and Use Your Illusion II at midnight. The albums combined to go on to sell over 14 million copies and fuel a tour of controversy and eventual band break-up. In thinking about these albums I wonder if it was really necessary to create two albums. There is definitely a case for “bloat”, such as did we really need two versions of “Don’t Cry?” What the fuck is going on with “My World?”
I decided to give it a go and task myself with creating one Use Your Illusion album, an epic album with no filler.
Highlights:
  • My goal was to get down to 18 or less tracks
  • The first cut was “My World”
  • The second cut was one version of “Don’t Cry”
  • Third was “Breakdown” which seems unnecessary given the trilogy of ballads
  • Last original cut was “Dust N’ Bones
  • I kept both covers (“Knockin…” and “Live and Let Die”)
  • Initially I cut 12 songs, but ended up going 13 because it still seemed “long”
  • “Yesterdays” was the final cut
Here is my Use Your Illusion:
  1. Civil War (great opener)
  2. Live and Let Die (feel this one is a natural after “Civil War”)
  3. Don’t Cry (original version)
  4. You Could Be Mine (time to rock, man!)
  5. Perfect Crime (I can see a potential debate here, but you need some of the heavier tunes to offset the ballads)
  6. Pretty Tied Up (one of my favorites)
  7. Bad Obsession
  8. Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door
  9. Double Talkin’ Jive
  10. November Rain (keeping the trilogy of “Don’t Cry”, “November Rain” and “Estranged” in order)
  11. Get In The Ring
  12. Shotgun Blues (fits well after “Get In The Ring”)
  13. Locomotive
  14. Estranged
  15. Don’t Damn Me (it was tough to decide what to keep on the back end of UYI1. I decided to keep “Don’t Damn Me” and cut  “The Garden”, “Bad Apples” and “Garden of Eden” which both seem more B-side to me)
  16. Dead Horse
  17. Coma
Other cuts not noted were “Right Next Door To Hell”, “You Ain’t the First”, “Back Off Bitch”, “14 Years”, and “So Fine”
In the end I really like this as one album, the problem is that it is still too long to fit on one disc.
Verdict: Epic fail on my end!

[Video Review] Black Canvas by Chameleon Technology

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“Black Canvas”, from the EP by the same name, was created by Max Histrionic, a Californian one-man band that plays very aggressive, in-your-face rock.

The video opens with a hot sleepless girl who appears restless. It doesn’t take long to get weird as a weird magic dude shows up, wakes her and gives her a pill. Remember kids: Drugs Not Hugs!

She is now on her feet and is directed by the weird magician through a doorway and into a tunnel that may take her to another dimension, or is just a short-cut through a sewer, we will never know. She ends up in a wooded area that is definitely not Central Park. She continues to navigate the woods. Hey, where did those shoes come from? Note to director: should have been heels – tall fuck-me heels!

Weird magician dude is now wearing a black mask and I have no idea where this is headed, but I know I’m all in now!

She is led to her own dead body…not cool weird magic dude!

It’s okay though it was all a dream, or was it – she’s holding flowers when she wakes in her bed. To be continued!

Check out my full review of the EP at MancavePlaybabes.com here.

Check out the video for Black Canvas here.

Band Links:

Website: www.chamnology.com
Bandcamp: www.chameleontechnology.bandcamp.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/chamnology
Twitter: www.twitter.com/chamnology
Instagram: www.instagram.com/chameleontechnology
Soundcloud: www.soundcloud.com/chameleontechnology


Guys I Hate: Overhand Bean Bag Toss Guy

Welcome to Guys I Hate, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Got a guy you hate? Drop me a comment – we probably hate a lot of the same guys.

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You know the game, it seems to be at every bar or outdoor event these days. It’s known by many names: cornhole, bean bag toss, etc… My family calls it the toss game and I’m not going to get into the whole submarine, grinder, hoagie conversation over a game with wood and bean bags. Anyway, this game is popular with kids as well as aging frat guys. There is always that one guy that yells “toss game!” and then drunkenly runs over to the game. The official rules say you throw the bean bags underhanded, but there is always one jackass that throws them overhanded, rifling the bags across. Sometimes he goes full “Over The Top”, turning his baseball cap around before endangering everyone around him. You are not Nolan Ryan (or Ken Griffey Jr if hat is turned around), not even close. Even Ryan wouldn’t do that. You suck and really need to stop!

Note: I have no idea what the official rules are I just don’t like this guy.


[Fiction] Another Quiet Evening At Home, Part III

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I’m working on a song about lost love, but bigger. Having trouble concentrating because Weekend At Bernies is on my mind, those bastards.

Knock, Knock

Sherri is back, she brought over a quart of vodka, good girl. She asks me if I want a drink, but before I can answer she’s in the kitchen and has two glasses out. She pours half vodka, half water from my faucet. “Did you know Colin is super rich?” She asks. I tell her no and she brings the glasses out to the couch where we sit. It takes five minutes of back and forth to realize she’s not talking about the same Colin.

Knock, Knock

The two guys that came over with Colin are back and they are holding a bag of meat. The one that got shot is still not wearing pants. They quickly move to the kitchen find a skillet and tell me they need to cook up steaks fast. I’m ready to throw them out when one of them offers me a beer. I pause and then one of them asks me if I have bloody Mary mix. Sherri walks up and pours them both vodkas and they are happy.

It’s around noon and the guys continue to fry steaks on my stove top. I don’t know how many they have and how many they plan to eat, but the smell is something awful and the vodka is almost gone. Sherri does one more check around the apartment, looking for stashed women and then leaves. The steaks continue to cook…

Knock, Knock

Colin is back and he brought his guitar, “I’ve got a song I want you to hear.” Colin hasn’t slept either and still isn’t wearing his shirt. He starts to play and then pauses, “You cooking steaks!”

Knock, Knock

It’s Sherri, she has another bottle and half of it is gone. She is screaming at me and starts running through the apartment, once again tossing everything I have, looking for something that’s not here. At least I don’t think it’s here, I’m having trouble keeping track right now. I grab another beer. It’s now early afternoon and I’m ready to kick everyone out and get some sleep.

Knock, Knock

Before I reach the door Sherri comes at me with a knife. Lucky for me, the guy that got shot is showing me a steak and is the one that gets stabbed in the arm. As he screams really loud Colin rushes over, removes the stabbed dude’s shirt and then puts his mouth on the wound. While he does this he removes his pants and makes a tourniquet.  Sherri looks at Colin and laughs because he’s definitely not a rich Colin and then tells me to fuck off and leaves.

Knock, Knock

Two guys with their noses pierced tell me they are ready. I ask for what and they tell me while drunk at a party two nights ago I agreed to go to a car race with them. I hate car races and tell them to get the hell out, but then I look around my apartment, hear Colin ask me if I want to hear his new song, hear the sirens getting close again and smell steak that now has a rancid reek and realize car racing sounds pretty damn good, so I leave…